Abby just cried when Lucy left the room, you have no idea how great that is? Talked to my mom on the phone, you have no idea how great that was. Lucy and Bella already have pjs on for funzies, that could be really great!

Heartbreaker

Abilene is a little heartbreaker, no pun intended. One of the hardest parts about having a child with a disability is the heartbreak you feel so often because of many things. First there is the adjustment of your dreams for that child. I am doing okay with that. Next there is the worry for the future, I don't think that will ever go away. For Abby, there are constant ailments hanging over her head, we just wait for them to pop up, or not, but the list is just long and annoying and constantLy on my brain. Nothing could compare to what I would feel when she was evaluated and I was told what delays she is starting to show. There are a few things she not only meets, but excells at, like communication. She is a talker. Basically, mentally she is not showing too much of a delay, but physically she is delayed, and it broke my ever loving puddin heart. I know she will be, but I don't want to hear it. It brings back so many of my students' parents conversations and I get it now. I get how everything people say whether well intentioned or not, will rip my heart to pieces. I need to grow a thicker skin I guess. Because this is only the beginning.

Apparently I make cream...

We had all 3 girl's well checks last friday. I shall start with the eldest Bella-46lbs 2 oz 84% 44 inches tall 78% practically perfect in every way Lucy- 34lbs 4 oz 81% 39 inches tall 88% practically perfect in every way Abilene- 16 lbs 12 oz 80% 23.75 inches tall 11% (on the typical Kid chart) Practically perfect in every way We discussed the gluten issue and have decided she probably doesn't have celiac since she would be "failing to thrive" which she clearly isn't. So we will stick with dairy free breast milk untill she is six months and reevaluate then. Oh what fun it is to go to the Dr.! The girls have been pretending they are Dr.s all week!

I will never tire of taking pictures of my girls as they sleep.  Never.  I will be a creepy mom with the camera when they are 16.  Yep.

Abilene has been working hard on her exercises, and loves it when Bella helps!

but boy does it exhaust me!

isn't that funny?

• Yesterday, Lucy fell asleep while picking her nose.  I got a picture for her yearbook.
• Bella has asked if she can have a set of adoptive parents as well, so when we are taking care of Abby she won't be alone.  Broke my friggin heart.
• Hubby is up for promotion.  Yay!  
• Gluten free bread is yucky.  Very yucky.
• Abby has a smile that will save the world.
• Bella and Lucy just grew out of all their clothes and shoes.  In the last month.  How is that possible?
• If it weren't for Facebook, I am not sure I would have survived the last 4 months.
• My dad turned 62 today.  I need to convince him he needs to work harder at being healthy so I can help him celebrate 92.

My beauties

Here are the most gorgeous little girls I have ever known.  Well, at least I think they are.  I wanted to introduce my daughters, Isabella, Lucille and Abilene.  Bella just turned 5 and Lucy just turned 3.  Last Thanksgiving, as my husband and I stole a conversation, whilst our sleeping babes snored in the back seat on a long drive home, my husband asked if I thought we might want another child.  I was done, done I tell you, but he said, "There was an empty seat at our table."  I thought about it long and hard.  Here is the story.

You see, we had gotten pregnant in 2005.  We were so excited to find out the gender at 22 weeks.  It was the end of August and as the tech guy was looking at my ultrasound, he called someone else in.  I got a little weirded out, but as the u/s started into the second hour, I started to panic.  Go to your Dr. tomorrow for the results they said.  So we did.  And found out our little punkin would not last.  After giving birth to him we found out his little heart had given out because of Down Syndrome.  We named him Wyatt Jamison, after the cowboy and my brother.  Needless to say, it was a hit to our fun loving life.  I was a teacher for students with moderate to severe disabilities, and to go to work and see what my son could have been was too much.

We got pregnant again, and it was terrifying.  But, in 2007 and 2009 we gave birth to 2 healthy little girls.  Bella has the personality of her father and her paternal grandmothers looks.  Lucy has the personality of her mom and her looks as well, Cajun girl to the bone!  Lord help me when she is a teenager!  So, when asked if I wanted another, I kinda felt like we were done.  I had gotten rid of a ton of baby stuff, but when I thought about holding a newborn, I melted.

Practically though, having another baby meant thinking about a few things.  First, when you have a child with Down Syndrome, it actually increases your chances of another.  I also was 36, gasp, and was reminded again and again that I had A.M.A., advanced maternal age!  What?  Seriously wanted to slap everyone who said that to me, I was in the best shape of my life!  We decided that we wanted to take the risk.  And we did.

It didn't take long and I was vomiting.  For those of you who are lucky enough to skip morning sickness, lucky dog.  I know I am preggo far before the little lines tell me.  And this pregnancy was the worst.  We had our genetic counseling and took the first blood test.  It came back with a chance of the baby having Down Syndrome.  We took more.  By the time we were 18 weeks, we had a 1 in 3 chance of her having Down Syndrome.  We had the opportunity to have an amnio, but I chose not to.  I decided that if she had it, I would give her the best chance I could, and a little poke just to know one way or another wasn't worth the possible early labor.  So, we lasted the whole pregnancy not knowing.

There were a few signs, at least in my mind.  My actor friends call me 'mother earth' because I love to be in tune with my kids and the world.  I have always known what sex my babies were, I knew there was something wrong with Wyatt, and I knew Abby had Down Syndrome.  At one Dr.s appt. the Dr. told me she was small, well my kids are not small.  Lucy weighed 8 lbs 13 oz!  So, I was expecting it when I went into labor.  I elected, (not really) for a c/s, so during the most unnatural experience of my life I heard my husband cry when he looked at our daughter for the first time.  I yelled out, "Does she have Down Syndrome?" and the entire OR went quiet.  Time slowed down.  He came over and looked me in the eye and said, "She does."  I cried for 1 minute.  A rush of emotions flew out of my body, a release of the stress of not knowing, and an acceptance of knowing the truth.  She seemed fairly healthy, had a good cry and looked a lot like popeye.  The mood changed in the OR.  The nurses kept asking if I knew before, they wanted to make sure I wanted my tubes tied, (YES!) and they didn't quite know what to say.

As soon as I got into recovery I asked if I could have my baby.  I explained that I wanted to nurse her right away, and because of the Down Syndrome I would need to get right on it.  They told me no one ever asks for their baby, but sure.  Abby latched on like a champ!  So much so the nurses took pictures of it, because they had never seen a baby with Down Syndrome latch on.  For 24 hours the nurse brought her to me every 3 hours to nurse.  It was great.  They needed to watch her because of her oxygen levels.  On the second night something didn't seem just right.  I called the nurse in because she seemed to be breathing funny, and from there all hell broke loose.  Before I knew it I was running, (after a c/s mind you) after Abby to the NICU.  Scary noises and little babes surrounded us.  After tests came back, she just had a burp, Woops! but she also had high billirubins and very low platelet counts. (Now, I am a terrible speller, so please forgive)  We spent 3 days in the NICU.  On the day we brought her home we also learned that she has 4 heart defects that could cause her to go into heart failure and that I needed to watch her very closely.  Oh my poor baby.

After many appointments, (and a really long story, sheesh!) as of today her heart is healing itself.  She no longer is at risk for heart failure.  She may have to have one or 2 of the problems fixed in her life, but the danger factor is lower.  She was never able to nurse after the NICU, and seems to have some allergies that the Dr and I are trying to figure out.

I promise now that the entries will be lighter and much more fun, just thought I would throw out the beginning.  Thanks for listening.  I think this will help me to release some anxiety by sharing with you.

National Down Syndrome Day

Tomorrow is March 21st, National Down Syndrome day. A great day to start a blog about our Abilene. She was born November 9th and has broght more joy than I knew existed in this world. She has 2 older sisters who love her very much. Almost too much. They think she is their doll! I hope to share our families journey with you as well as some humor.